i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
