i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
