somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
