just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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