did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
