she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's just like the Real World with babies
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
