Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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