I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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