she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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