True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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