At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
