I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
