do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The maid of honor just puked.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
