maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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