Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
