Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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