SEEEEXXX PLEASE
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sext me about skeletons
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
