you traded sex for a burrito?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
this is an emotional support booty call
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
