Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The Olympian is in my bed
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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