She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
