Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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