im six kinds of drunk right now
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
