He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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