Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
