That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
