I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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