for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
