Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
