I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
