so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
