Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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