i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
