I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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