I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
