What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
