He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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