You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
