One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
