i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So much Jack, so little girl.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
