I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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