Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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