if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I am available for nakedness
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
