You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
