even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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