He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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