moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she smelled like a LAN party
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
