My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
