OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
