We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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