and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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