I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
