Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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