dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
