he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
