If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
