I wish my penis had an off switch
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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