you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
