i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
