1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
